My Heart, My Healer, My Forever Companion

 

Growing up with a sister is like having a piece of your soul walking outside of you, wrapped in love and mischief. For me, it’s more than that—it’s as if our hearts were designed to beat in sync, tied together by an unbreakable bond that only grows stronger with time.

We were born just a year apart, but it feels like she’s been a part of me forever. She’s not just my sister—she’s my healer, my partner in crime, and my soft place to land. No matter how messy life gets, she has this way of wrapping me in her presence and reminding me that everything will be okay.

We’ve shared everything—our random Friday market sprees, hot chocolate dates, our own wired languages and endless giggles over things no one else would ever find funny. She makes me feel like the most generous person in the world when I gift her a single rose, and she’s head over heels with happiness. Moments like these, the simple ones, are what make life so beautiful with her by my side.

She is my daughter too. If my love, affection, and care for her aren’t motherhood, then I don’t know what is. She completes the womanhood cycle for me in a way that nothing else ever could. No matter how hard or chaotic life gets, her presence feels like a warm hug, whispering, “You’re not alone. You are loved. Always.”

She is the love of my life. I don’t know what I’d do without her, and frankly, I don’t ever want to find out. The idea of leaving her feels like losing a part of myself. If I could, I’d keep her right by my side forever, reliving the joy of being kids together—laughing at silly things, dreaming about everything and nothing, and just being endlessly happy in each other’s company.

Little sisters are truly God’s way of saying, “Here, Amidst all the chaos this space I made perfect for you.” She is my constant reminder that I’m not alone, my proof that life can be filled with love, and my safe haven when the world gets too loud.

To my sister, my soul mate, my other half, my heart: thank you for every laugh, every hug, and every random adventure. You are my greatest blessing, my anchor, and my forever partner in crime. You make life better in every possible way. I love you endlessly. ❤️

Priyanka, You Didn’t Just Survive—You Became Unstoppable

This year, I learned what it truly means to fight for myself. And today, I want to thank the one person who carried me through it all—ME.

From November 2023 to April 2024, I was continuously bleeding. My PCOD was triggered, and the physical agony became a part of my daily life. The cramps hit like storms, sharp and unforgiving, leaving me curled up on the floor, struggling to breathe. Sleep was a luxury, but it wasn’t an option.

Still, each day, I pushed through. Despite the pain, I kept showing up at work. My legs felt heavy, but I stood tall. I didn’t just battle deadlines—I fought the ache that wouldn’t let go. But I promised myself I wouldn’t stop.

Amid this storm, I took on a massive projects. I juggled client calls, deliverables, revisions, and family commitments. I focused on my health, determined to take control, even when my body fought me every step of the way.

With medication, the pain started easing, my energy returned, and I regained control. My health improved, my confidence grew, and so did my productivity. I secured a raise, bringing stability to my finances. But I didn’t stop. I kept working, kept going. No breaks. No excuses.

Then, I got promoted. A title that wasn’t just recognition for my hard work, but a symbol of everything I had overcome to get here.

But the challenges didn’t end there. I fought mental battles too. The thought of stillness was unbearable. The fear of failing was unbearable. The fear of not being enough was unbearable. So, I filled every moment—house chores, blogging, travelling back and forth to Panvel and Pune, and, my personal obsession: deep cleaning. Even at my cousin’s wedding, I worked through the exhaustion, pushing myself until my body finally gave in. 

But something unexpected happened this year —I came very close to the feeling of being a mother. I spent one amazing week with a 2 year old Angel, living every moment with her, immersing myself in her love and warmth. It made me realize how deeply I long to be a mother and how much I cherish kids. I saw just how much I was capable of doing while still being fully available for her. That week was a reminder of how much love and strength I carry within me.

Through it all, I was looked down upon—judged for my weight, for my health, for not being enough, for not earning enough. It hurt. It still hurts. But my battle is not of validation. My focus is on growth. And so...:

To my body: Thank you for enduring when it had every reason to break down.

To my mind: Thank you for finding focus in the chaos.

To my heart: Thank you for believing in a future bright enough to make the pain worth it.

Because careers aren’t built on brands or money. They’re built on sacrifices, resilience, and showing up every single day. The brands we admire? They started small, with people who believed in the work—not just the name. People who didn’t sell the Sun to buy Candles. That’s who I am. I just don’t work for a pay check. I work because I have a vision for growth, for stability, for a life that’s truly mine.

In 2022, I thought of ending my life. The darkness felt endless.

Thank God I didn’t. Look at me now.

I’ve sacrificed small joys, skipped breaks, and pushed myself beyond limits I never knew existed. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. And today, I’m here—stronger, wiser, thriving.

To anyone reading this: Success isn’t easy. It’s forged in pain, perseverance, and the unshakable belief that tomorrow can be better than today.

Priyanka, you are unstoppable. You didn’t just survive—you became someone even you can look up to.

Towards A Very Happy New Year...

Thank you for Reading

Love

Priyanka

What Have You Done?

 Missed me?

Lately, I have been asked, "What have you done?" As in what have you done in Life. 

and am being constantly measured on someone else's ruler. 

Does this happen to you? or Do you do this to yourself?

This is me talking about my failure to stand up for myself and letting someone else tell me what a douchebag I am.

So those who know me also know that I was a visiting faculty in my Alma mater. During COVID they asked me to teach a new module EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. This had to be the best thing that happened to me that year. While I was on a journey of self-learning and development, where struggles and delays also followed, this was one of those moments where I felt "It's a BLESSING IN DISGUISE." 

This subject helped me unleash what is EMOTIONAL HIJACKING (its after school that I read science. Trying to understand the different sections of BRAIN was Brain Racking), EGO DEPLETION, SELF- AWARENESS, and most importantly SELF CONTROL (& am not talking just about food, I can't control that in this life at least)

The weight loss and all is fine but for the past few months am facing emotional turbulence. This pandemic was already creating a HAVOC in the way of my aspirations. But just because someone was able to do something very similar and got successful I was made to run on the APPARATUS to measure "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? & For how long are we going to see you only KNIT & PAINT?" 

But today, I am feeling Good Why? Because 

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life for me...(Nina Simone constantly singing in my background).

And I want you to feel good too. 

The fact is we already know we are not where we want to be and we are constantly making efforts. NOT PROCRASTINATING. Like real efforts and facing reasonable delays. Does this prove that we are incompetent or incapable? Does it mean that we must give up and believe when people tell us that "you know we have great expectations from you but still the results according to your efforts are not good enough"

Who decides all this anyway? Who sets these timelines? Who has this success measuring apparatus?

Your friend gets married and some already have kids but you don't have either and you are compared and judged by the SOCIETY

Someone in your circle gets a job in the STATES but you don't, irrespective of whether you want to or not, RELATIVES judge you. You also doubt yourself

Your classmate is earning 15 lakhs per year and you are only earning 6 and PARENTS says dekho usko, seekho ussay. array nahi seekhna.. 

Your SPOUSE looks at someone and says I wish you'd have a figure like that. (Yaah! why not?)

and when all of this starts impacting you and you decide to speak about it, they will say, 

"you know we only say all this out of concern because we know you are more capable than this, and we just said it so you can put more efforts."

REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY? Could this get any better? 

So you are telling me that if you keep pinching me with these grinding words I might become MILKHA SINGH and run even faster? Oh! alright then this is a good enough theory but only if I wanted to run like MILKHA SINGH. What if I am happy WALKING?

So how many of you'll know that reverse psychology can have reverse effects? and that it can cause meltdowns?

IF YOU ARE FACING THIS & IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND CAN RELATE? 

LISTEN TO ME VERY CAREFULLY 

YOU DECIDE YOUR LIFE, YOUR PACE, YOUR FIGHT.

YOU DON'T OWE ANSWERS TO ANYONE...

& YOU CAN DECIDE HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU HEAR.

What is this success anyways? Bank Balance? Designation? Foreign Trips? Marriage? Children? Awards? 

At which level, exactly, can you say you are SUCCESSFUL?

Success is not a DESTINATION. You become better every single day and that adds to achieving what you want. 

If yesterday you were not able to make chapati and today you have? DARLING, YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL

If yesterday you walked 1000 steps but today you pushed yourself to walk 1005. YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL

Yesterday you decided to take up a few courses and if today you have actually started studying? Congratulations YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL.

Success is becoming a better version of yourself every single day. The only time you should feel successful is when you look back and feel happy about where you are today and you can feel that every day.

It is a JOURNEY

A homeless may say he is successful if he is happy with whatever he has and WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE? 

Sometimes I feel our lack of success concerns everyone, or is it our DETERMINATION & POSITIVISM that regardless of whether they think we are successful or not, we manage to keep our chin up high and keep doing what is important?

Frankly, I think I am successful. I say so because of many reasons... The skills I enhanced, the knowledge I gained, The experiences that I've had, The decisions I took, and the consequences. This has made me successful or should I say It has added to my success. What I have failed at is articulating my success numerically (more like monetarily).

I honestly love the person I have become. I adore myself. Am stronger than ever (emerging self-love). Yes, I don't have money. Yes, I don't have a stable job and Yes, I keep on challenging my comfort zone because I hate being monotonous when it comes to development, and I hate being stuck. I have ruthlessly left jobs that were not giving me the growth I expected. They were paying me so well that today I could've had a car of my own. Yes... But it wasn't giving that one thing that I so badly crave. Growth. 

Well, It is true that the success and growth that am talking about are not going to pay my bills or buy groceries or buy me sarees. I know how important money is. And I know that this is concerning. People might think am stubborn, may be they are right. I am. But I can't do a job am not happy at only for money. Its frustrating. I have sat at desks with no solid job but amazing pay. I use to travel an hour just for a air conditioner and unlimited free coffee. Yes I did meet people but they were as bored as I was. BTW am thinking of write about how many jobs I quit and why? (risky)

Like I said, I failed to articulate my success. But I haven't and I wont give up.

I have a journey I set for me as an Individual and God knows am determined and 

I also know that Good Things Take Time...

I have been explaining people that what you think of me is not THE ME. But I can only say so much, but if they've already judged me and already assessed me with their SUCCESS MEASURING APPARATUS, I can't do anything. In fact, at this point, I don't want to do anything.

Am telling you to stop explaining, stop seeking validation and experience it yourself. It's calming. It's enriching. Soon you will realize that nobody absolutely nobody understands or even try to understand.

We live in a world where we made Sachin Tendulkar the GOD OF CRICKET (I wasn't sure so I googled it) and we are the ones who had no shame in cursing and abusing him when he got out on ZERO. Did it stop him from playing? or becoming the man that he is today? But let me also tell you that if the GOD OF CRICKET had no mercy, WE are just very normal people trying to achieve what WE think is a success for 'US'...

No matter how many times you've not achieved what you wanted...

No matter how many jobs you've switched...

No matter how long it takes to get where you want to...

No matter what your age is...

The challenge is how far are you willing to go? 

because the only time you fail is when you refuse to get up and try again.

I strongly believe that age is just a number if you are in your 30s and are single, unmarried, with an unstable bank balance let me tell you that, 'Just look back and appreciate all that you've done. All those times you wanted to give up but you chose to hold on, you were already successful then and you are even more successful now. Give yourself some credit..'

Don't be fooled by someone else's success. We all are writing our own story and believe me our life is a dream for someone. Live it while you have it.

I read somewhere 30 is the new 20. 

Which means am only 25 (Cheers to that🍺). 

In that case, I've just got started.

& So have you... 

Thanks for Reading...

Love💗💗

Priyanka Ashokanand